I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
