dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
