just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
