i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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