a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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