Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
