And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
