i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
