Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
These tits shall not be calmed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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