we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
