Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
