I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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