I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
