I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
