Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
