guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
