Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
