Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
