theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
