it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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