hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
