my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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