This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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