Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
