During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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