If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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