I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
