All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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