Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
