I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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