If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
