Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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