Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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