You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
