I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
