Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
