I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
