Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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