In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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