i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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