apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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