I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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