I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need a beard to bite.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
