I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
