You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
