just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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