That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
