Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
