If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
