he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
