I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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