The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
