Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
