You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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