Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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