I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
