Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
