I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I know her cup size but not her name....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
