i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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