You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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