too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
