wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
